The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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