Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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