Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
