I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
