we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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