The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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