I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
