I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
