Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
