Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
