Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
