So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize