You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
