Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
