People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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