I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
