You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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