I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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