I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
