96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i've created a new STD.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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