What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
