Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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