1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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