i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
