decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
