Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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