just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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