she was so not down for the gang bang
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
