I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
