oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
