...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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