do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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