He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
