A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
