I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
