She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize