Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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