Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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