The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
