Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This girl is more easily done than said...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
