"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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