some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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