watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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