I feel great
I just peed on a car
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
