"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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