I'm lost and stupid without you.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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