Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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