hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
