I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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