I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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