Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
