It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
