I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
