I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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