I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
