Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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