well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize