I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
