We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
