what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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