I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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