Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
