Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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